honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
