in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
