I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
