I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
