I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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