Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
