3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
