dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
