meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
