her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
