I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize