And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
