I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize