I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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