So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
