Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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