dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
