I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
