My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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