last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
