Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
