if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
