I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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