Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
