He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
