foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
