Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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