he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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