I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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