Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
