i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
