the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
