I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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