you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
