I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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