I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
