I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
