i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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