I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
