New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
