I think my vagina is haunted
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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