I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We just shotgunned beers for America
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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