You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
