We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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