I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
