Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
