friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
