so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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