Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
