I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
