You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize