I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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