So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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