Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
