Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
