Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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