Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
