She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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