You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
