the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
