I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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