I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
