you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
