there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
