She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
did you just send me my own nude
So much Jack, so little girl.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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