i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
