if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
