I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
