You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
