her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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