i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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