somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
